Relationships can have a huge impact on our emotional wellbeing. Healthy relationships often help us feel supported, valued and safe, while unhealthy relationships can leave us feeling anxious, drained, confused or even isolated.
An unhealthy relationship is any relationship that consistently affects your emotional, mental, or physical wellbeing in a negative way. This can apply to romantic relationships, family relationships, friendships or even workplace dynamics.
Every relationship has disagreements and challenges from time to time. Healthy relationships allow space for communication, respect and boundaries. In unhealthy relationships, there is often a pattern of control, disrespect, emotional distress or imbalance. The difficult part is that unhealthy relationship patterns are not always obvious at first. Sometimes behaviours become normal over time or we convince ourselves that things “aren’t that bad.” Recognising the signs can be an important first step towards protecting your wellbeing and getting the support you need.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship
You feel constantly anxious or “on edge”
Do you find yourself worrying about upsetting the other person? Maybe you overthink messages, avoid certain topics or feel nervous about how they might react.
Walking on eggshells around someone can be a sign that the relationship is affecting your sense of emotional safety.
Your boundaries are ignored
Healthy relationships respect personal boundaries. In unhealthy relationships boundaries may be dismissed, challenged or even criticised.
This might look like:
Feeling pressured to do things you are uncomfortable with
Having your privacy ignored
Being made to feel guilty for needing space or time for yourself
Your needs and boundaries matter.
There is frequent criticism or put-downs
Constructive conversations are different from constant criticism. Repeated comments that make you feel “less than,” embarrassed or inadequate can slowly affect your self-esteem.
Sometimes criticism is disguised as jokes or sarcasm, making it harder to recognise the impact it is having.
You feel emotionally drained
Relationships should not leave you feeling exhausted all the time. If interactions regularly leave you feeling overwhelmed, upset, guilty or emotionally depleted, it may be a sign that the dynamic is unhealthy.
Control or manipulation is present
Control can be obvious or subtle. It may involve:
Telling you who you can spend time with
Making decisions for you
Using guilt, anger or even silent treatment to control situations
Monitoring your phone or social media
Manipulation can sometimes make people question their own feelings or experiences, leaving them feeling confused or unsure of themselves.
You stop feeling like yourself
One of the biggest signs of an unhealthy relationship is feeling disconnected from who you are.
You may notice:
Losing confidence
Pulling away from friends or family
Hiding parts of yourself
Constantly prioritising someone else’s needs over your own
Feeling more anxious, withdrawn or feeling down
Healthy relationships allow you to grow, not shrink yourself.
Why do people stay in unhealthy relationships?
This is a question many people ask themselves, often with a lot of self-judgement. The reality is that relationships are complex.
People may stay because of:
Family ties - you simply cannot just stop seeing your parents or siblings
Emotional attachment
Fear of loneliness
Low self-esteem
Hope that things will improve
Financial or family pressures
Feeling responsible for the other person’s emotions
It is also common for unhealthy relationships to involve periods of kindness and closeness, which can make things confusing and difficult to leave.
How to cope if you recognise these signs
1. Acknowledge your feelings
If something feels wrong, it is important not to dismiss your emotions. You do not need to wait until things become “serious enough” to seek support or make changes.
Your emotional wellbeing matters.
2. Talk to someone you trust
Speaking to a trusted friend, family member or professional can help you gain perspective and feel less isolated.
Sometimes simply saying things out loud helps people recognise patterns they had been minimising.
3. Reconnect with yourself
Unhealthy relationships can make people lose touch with their own needs and identity.
Try to reconnect with activities, hobbies, friendships and routines that help you feel grounded and confident.
4. Set boundaries
Boundaries are not about controlling other people, they are about protecting your wellbeing.
This might involve:
· Saying no without guilt
· Limiting contact when needed
· Being clear about what behaviour is unacceptable
Setting boundaries can feel difficult at first, especially if you are used to putting others first.
5. Seek professional support
Therapy or counselling can provide a safe, supportive space to explore relationship patterns, rebuild confidence and process difficult emotions.
Professional support may help you:
· Understand unhealthy dynamics
· Strengthen self-esteem
· Develop healthier boundaries
· Work through anxiety, guilt or fear
· Make decisions about the relationship in a supported way
What professional support might look like
Many people worry they will be told what to do in therapy, but support is never about pressure or judgement.
A therapist will work with you to:
· Explore how the relationship is affecting you
· Understand patterns and behaviours
· Help you reconnect with your needs and values
· Support you in making choices that feel safe and right for you
Approaches such as counselling, psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or trauma-informed therapy can help people process difficult relationship experiences and build healthier connections moving forward.
A final thought
Healthy relationships should make you feel respected, supported and emotionally safe most of the time - not constantly anxious, drained and diminished.
Recognising unhealthy patterns can feel emotional and overwhelming, but awareness is often the first step towards positive change.
You deserve relationships where your voice, boundaries and wellbeing are valued. If you are struggling you do not have to navigate it alone, contact us today for a free 15 minute chat
Give us a call on 07942 626 960 or 0800 8611 239, or reach out to us by email at contact@wellbeingcentrelondon.com
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